Am I asexual?

It can be hard for asexual people to feel confident identifying as asexual, because it's difficult to notice or be sure that something isn't being experienced. After all, how can you be sure sexual attraction isn't there if you don't know what it is? On the other hand, for people that do experience sexual attraction, the feeling is usually obvious to them, so if you're unsure, you are likely to be somewhere on the spectrum.

To determine if you're asexual, you only have to ask yourself one question: do you experience sexual attraction? That is, do you ever see/meet someone and feel and urge to actually have sex with them? If the answer is no, then you're asexual. If the answer is yes, then you may be allosexual. It's important to remember that you can experience arousal, masturbate, have a sex drive, and even enjoy sex, all while still being asexual.

Even if you do experience attraction, you may be grey-asexual. Grey-asexuality refers to any sexuality that is intermediate between asexuality and allosexuality. It includes people that experience attraction only very rarely, people who only experience attraction after forming a strong bond, any many other kinds. You can read about grey-asexuality in Grey-asexuality.

At the end of the day though, what matters is that you've thought about what you feel. The effort you've put into understanding yourself doesn't just disappear because you can't find a particular word that comfortably fits you. You don't need to find out the answer right now, and these things can take time, so in some cases it can help to try to come to terms with not having a label.

Maybe hanging out in the asexuality community for a while will help ideas solidify in your mind, and in particular online communities offer a low stakes forum to ask any questions you might have . Of course reading the rest of this website may also provide some clarity, and if you're confused about what sexual attraction even is you should read the The a-spectra or Experiences.

In academia, the Asexuality Identification Scale was developed in 2015 [1]. This is a 10-quesiton test used to identify asexual individuals based on the typical answers given by self-identified asexuals and non-asexuals. While no simple quiz can tell you for certain what your sexuality is, you may find it useful to taken an online version of the test (for example, here).

Finally, it's worth noting that "does not feel sexual attraction" is ultimately just an approximation of what it means to be asexual, typically used when explaining the orientation to someone unfamiliar with it. While that works for most asexuals, in reality people are more complicated than that, and everyone who identifies as asexual does so for their own reasons. Labels are tools: if the label feels right to you, helps you connect others, or promotes understanding, then that's all you need.

Common asexual experiences

Below are some possible indicators of asexuality – however this list should be used with some care. Firstly, it must be emphasised that not relating to any particular one of these indicators is not evidence against being asexual. In fact, some of them are contradictory or unlikely to occur at the same time. Secondly, non-asexuals will also sometimes relate to some of these, some of the time. This is especially true with young or adolescent people – even for non-asexuals it's not abnormal to be scared of or confused about sex, or to not relate to others with respect to sex.

Two of the key distinguishing features of asexuality from these more universal experiences, are that they are persistent throughout a person's life,1 and that they do not cause any intrinsic distress (although pressures from a world unwelcoming of asexuals may cause extrinsic distress).

Regardless, all these examples are generalisations, and so should only be used to paint a picture of some of the things an asexual might relate to.

Perhaps you have felt one of the following.

Perhaps the actions of others have seemed strange to you in one of the following ways.

Perhaps you've been mistaken in one of the following ways.

Asexuality Archive has also compiled the following articles of a similar nature to the above.


Our FAQ has answers to the following questions.

Asexuality Archive also has articles exploring doubts you might have. Maybe I'm not asexual because...


  1. Certainly a person's orientation can change over time, but this is relatively rare. People who become asexual at some point in life are of course valid, but there's no doubt that their situation is more complex and nuanced.