Can I be asexual if I have a kink or fetish?
Perhaps surprisingly, it's possible for a person to be asexual while at the same time having a kink or fetish. Broadly, this is for three reasons.
- A kink or fetish doesn't always have to be sexual in nature. For example, someone might have a kink for the loss of control they feel when being tied up – without involving erogenous zones or sexual arousal at all.
- A kink or fetish may involve arousal / libido, without there being sexual attraction accompanied. Some people have a sexuality that finds its locus in objects, activities, and abstract concepts. Depending on the nature of the kink such a person may or may not consider themselves asexual.
- A kink or fetish may be fantasy, without there being any desire to be participant in that fantasy. (See Grey-asexuality)
Kinks and fetishes can be difficult to navigate because they can exist on the blurry boundary between sexual and non-sexual activity. At the end of the day it's up to each individual to decide how much they relate to the asexuality community and whether they belong there.