Aegosexuality and aegoromanticism
I'm female, 32 and I think I'm aego. I can and enjoy sexual fantasies, but hate including myself in them. Sometimes I try to, but if I'm honest, I don't think the person I'm imagining actually looks like me. Maybe how I wish I looked, lol. Mostly I picture characters from movies or TV shows in place of me. I actually don't generally fantasize about ANYONE I know.
So, I'll start off by saying I'm a fangirl. I have a lot of favorite characters and ships that I like. I read fanfiction about them. I have a decent libido so, more often than not, the fanfiction I read have some sexual aspect to them. I like reading about and imagining my ships doing things in relationships (if they weren't already dating) and that often includes smut. I'm totally okay with smut and I do enjoy reading it. But that's only if the characters are doing things to each other.
xReader and self-insert fics are a whole different story. When the main character is me and the character(s) are being intimate and doing sexual things to me, that's when I get uncomfortable. I don't know why, really, but I don't like imagining or thinking of myself doing sexual things with my ships or favorite characters. Even if I have a crush on the character, I never want to have sex with them. I'll read about or watch them having sex with somebody else, maybe their s/o or someone I ship them with, but I don't want to be involved in it personally.
I can watch porn and I do sometimes, but only if it's not interactive and the pornstar isn't trying to make the experience more 'real' and immersing the viewer by talking to 'me' or something. Honestly, I don't really know how interactive porn works because I've never been interested enough to watch it, but I do know I won't be able to get turned on from it. Normal porn is fine for me, though. It's kind of interesting. The thing about me is I don't want to be personally involved in the act but, when I watch porn, I imagine how the bottom feels. Not the attraction part, because I honestly can't imagine how attraction must feel, but rather the physical pleasure part. I don't imagine myself in their place, I just imagine how they feel and that's what gets me off because I don't want to have sex with someone because I'm attracted to the person, I want to have sex with someone because I want to feel good.
It extends to my sexual fantasies, too. I have had exactly two sexual fantasies that included me and I can't clearly envision the faces in either of them. The first one isn't even inherently sexual, but in it, I can't see my own face or his. It's like I'm imagining the concept of me doing that to the concept of him. It's not really us, but it's meant to be us. Like, have you ever had a dream where there was a person you knew, but when you woke up, you realized it didn't look like that person at all, your brain just told you it was that person and you just accepted it? That's the best way I can explain it.
My second sexual fantasy ever involves a person that I don't have a solid idea of at all. They're not somebody I know, or somebody I've seen or met before. I don't see their face or know their name, I only know what they're doing. They don't exist, they're just someone my brain made up because while I'm fine with sexual acts, I don't want to do it with a person.
I'm a 27 year old cis-female and I identify as an aegosexual and an aegoromantic. I enjoy porn, masturbation, and to a lesser extent, erotica. What I read and watch is very far removed from myself and is nothing I would ever be interested in trying. If I read a romance with a heterosexual sex scene, I have to skip it because it hits too close to home and makes me uncomfortable. When I was in my teens, fan fiction and erotica turned me on, but now it is quite rare for erotica to turn me on (maybe every few months?). Haven't read fan fiction since my teens.
In a sense, being aegosexual (or anegosexual in case somebody wonders if it's different) is more relevant to me than being asexual is because it plays such a large part in governing my (very vivid) imagination. That, in turn, governs what I like to read.
I would never be able to imagine myself in a sexual situation (deep kissing, breast touching, penetration). I'm female, and, in fact, I can never imagine any female in a sexual situation, so, for example, I cannot project myself into an imaginary scene by pretending to be some other woman. That's just too close to home. By default, the people who populate the scenes of my imagination are therefore always men, and the sexual activity is always gay. (I can't apologise if that sound very binary. That's how it is.) I am in no way involved in participating. That is, I don't assume any of the roles. I'm just the creator of the imaginary scene. I don't get off on it; I'm not voyeuristic.
Being aegoromantic means I do feel those empathic fluttery feelings when others fall in love. I love ships! Fictional, lyrical, celebrity, real-life: romance is fun, just hearing about it. I don't always understand it and wish we didn't center it in society. I think there's a lot we miss about romantic love and ignore other forms. But I do love romance as long as I'm not involved! (<-- the definition of being aegoromantic)
– Janna DeWitt